My name is Jen and I'm an addict
23 Feb
There are three things you must never bring to my house.
Your gun.
Your hairy, slobbering dog.
And M and Ms.
Bringing any of these into my home is a major offense and grounds for immediate expulsion. If you don’t believe me, ask my sisters-in-law on both sides of my family. No f-ing dogs. I’m allergic and I’m sick of you loving your dogs up like they were human. Treat your dog like a dog and maybe, just maybe, I’ll come over to your house every once in a while.
The reason for not bringing your gun is, hopefully, fairly obvious. But why not M and Ms, you ask? After all, they’re a chocolatey, crunchy delight in your mouth and when you eat one you want another and before you know it you have a fistful and then another fistful and it’s crunchy and sugary and sweet and oh-my-god THE BAG IS F-ING EMPTY. This is because I am an addict and M and Ms are my drug.
I firmly, even staunchly, believe, that sugar is an addiction for many the same way the bottle was for Betty Ford. Oh, yes, I know. Mmmm…your addiction tastes good. Ohhh… it makes you feel so nice while you’re indulging in it. But the consequences are severe, and if you don’t believe me, ask Tiger Woods.
TIPS: Quit cold turkey. Keep sugar out of the house. Know where sugar lurks. The Yeast Fighting Program.
In defense of M&Ms, they do have a low Glycemic Index rating making them my sugar-vice of choice.
Great blog, I love this one. So very honest. I’m back on my cold turkey no-sugar diet, after relapsing for a few months.
I really need to give up sugar now!! Did you eat the whole bag of M&Ms that came from the preschool?
Sadly and with great shame…yes, I ate the whole bag of “Happy Purim”-labeled M and Ms that some well-meaning (with an emphasis on MEAN), committee sent home from the synagogue. The most pathetic parts of the entire ordeal occurred when, after eating half the bag I said to myself, “well, I already ate half the bag. I might as well finish it now so I don’t do this again tomorrow.” Then as I approached the bottom of the bag, I found 3-4 deformed M and Ms, most likely mutatated while sitting in some factory for the past year. In addition to the entire bag of M and Ms, I ate two chocolate covered Hamantaschen. In essence, breaking a multitude of my self-imposed food rules: no sugar, no dairy, no dyes, no white flour.
Thank you Esther. Thank you Mordechi. Thank you Haman.
Next year, in loving kindness on Purim, please send me a fruit basket.
That’s exactly what I say to myself! Finish the rest of the bag so it won’t be there tomorrow. Funny.