The Wellness Bitch

I love the sun. It makes me happy, cheery and bright. Therefore, I love the coming of summer. But one thing I can’t stand is the fragrance of your child’s sunscreen.

In the bubble that I wish I lived in, no child wore sunscreen. They just frolicked in the sun enjoying their Vitamin D or stuck to the shade. Because 9 times out of 10, the crap you or your nanny is lathering your kid in is CHOKING ME. I CAN’T BREATHE.

Even if you do not care a stitch about me, I know you must give a shit about your kids. Or at least you want other people to think you do. Either way, you should think twice and WAKE UP before you lather him up in Water Babies SPF 75 before sending him off to preschool.  The end cap at CVS is not the best place to be shopping for sunscreen. There’s stuff in some of those sunscreens that’s just as bad if not worse than UV rays.

Want some help figuring out what’s better? Here you go. The 2009 Sunscreen Guide from the Environmental Working Group.

I had a conversation with a friend of mine yesterday discussing the difference between an alcohol hangover and a pot hangover (not that I would know considering drugs are illegal and all).

But I think that sugar hangovers don’t get equal air time and they should.

Last night, at my monthly book club I sugar splurged. It was our friend’s 40th birthday (she’s A LOT older than I am) and we toasted her with chocolate cake…this on top of the kettle corn and wine I typically indulge in. Soon after, my eyes started to droop and my cheeks felt heavy and saggy. My friends actually noticed and said things like, “you look tired.” I did feel tired all of a sudden, and just crappy. I headed home.

Well, this morning I feel a lot worse. Cheeks still heavy, eyes still saggy, and a subtle, but nagging irritability. (My husband and kids would argue that it’s not so subtle.)

These days, I’m trained to notice how I feel after I eat foods I know don’t do right by me. So, I know this is a sugar hangover. It’s clear as day. But for most people it’s not. You wake up the day after a birthday party and associate the yuckiness with the one glass of wine you had or not getting enough sleep. Those both might be contributors to your mood and the way you physically feel, but WAKE UP sugar can deal a blow that’s as strong or stronger then liquor. It can make you tired. It can make you sad. And it can make you mean.

The other day I was at the diner for a quick bite with the family before running an errand. Surprisingly enough, the neighborhood diner tends to be a fast food option that has menu items I can actually order. (Of course, my kids always end up choosing the silver dollar pancakes no matter what, so they’re a lost cause.)

Thanks to salads, wraps, and dinner specials, the diner is a superior fast food option to White Castle, but still not the ideal place for a family meal. And, honestly, if the waitress knows you by name, you are making some bad eating decisions, my friend.

Sure, I want to support local businesses, but I was shocked by the number of people who walked through the door whom were greeted by name with a pat on the back. I hate to say it (okay, truth be told, I love to say it), but most of those guests were overweight, and many were accompanied by their grossly overweight children.

WAKE UP CALL: The diner is a nice comfy place to get a quick bite to eat every now and again, but it should not be where everybody knows your name.

Chiropractic. NAET. Yoga. Meditation. Reiki. Massage. Reflexology. Integrative Medicine. Holistic Nutrition. Cranialsacral Therapy. Aromatherapy. Acupuncture. Acupressure. Crystal Bowl Healing. Dowsing. Feng Shui. Nutrition Response Testing. Qi Gong Meridien Therapy. Nautropathic Medicine. Shiatsu. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Life Coaching. Intuitive Healing. Elimination Diet. Herbs. Probiotics. Homeopathy. Old Wives’ Tales.

What’s the above list? In the last 12 years, these are the “alternative” therapies I’ve tried for asthma, IBS, allergies, food sensitivity, anxiety, sleeplessness, yeast infections, PMS, acne, natural childbirth, and regular old aches and pains. Some succeeded brilliantly in eliminating my symptoms. Some didn’t. Some I only gave half a chance because the therapy, or the practitioner, didn’t seem the right fit for me. (Which is okay, by the way. Not every alternative therapy is right for every person. If a holistic practitioner tells you otherwise, something’s not right.)

But I ask you: If you don’t try one of the above, how do you know it doesn’t work for you? Is it true that you’ve spent years and money on a mainstream medical approach for your symptoms without ever exploring the idea that alternative or complementary medicine might work?

What’s stopping you? Fear? Money? Ignorance?

WAKE UP. If there is ever a field of practitioners to be vulnerable with it’s healers. Tell them you’re scared. Tell them you don’t have a lot of money to spend. Tell them you don’t have any idea what they are talking about .You might be surprised by their responses.

What’s up next for me: Colonhydrotherapy. Ozone therapy.

What I want to explore: Hypnotherapy/Past life regression. Rolfing. Hanna somatics. Ayurveda. Thai massage. And, of course, Canyon Ranch (Note to Canyon Ranch’s publicist: I will gladly accept your free press pass for a weekend of exploration! Email me. )

They’re called “alternative” therapies, a moniker many practitioners bristle at. But check out the definition of alternative. It doesn’t mean weird; it just  means “choice.”

Trust me. This rattles me more than you. Since I became a flexatarian (a fish-eating, egg-eating vegan, enjoying the occasional piece of organic meat), I’ve been upping my fish intake. Particularly the ones high in Omega-3s as an anti-inflammatory measure for my asthma, IBS and allergies.

Knowing how psycho I am about food, my sister-in-law Sharon (a vegetarian) recently suggested I watch The Cove. It’s on my very long “to watch/read/listen” list, but this video from The Real Food Channel makes me think I should make watching it (and re-examining how I eat fish) a priority.

At the very least, it’s clear I can’t trust fish any more than I can trust meat. And that like everything else, before eating fish, research is required.

What about fish? | The Real Food Channel.

My first memory of Earth Day takes me back to 10th grade. Someone decided to stage a walk out to protest the use of styrofoam trays in the cafeteria. We were all supposed to stand up in the middle of 4th period and walk outside. Some kids had made posterboard signs and we were going to shout and march in the courtyard.

I remember being in Biology class. I remember watching the clock. I remember looking around the class at other kids I knew were going to walk out. I remember getting excited to stand up and show my support for the Earth.

But I can’t remember if I actually walked out or not. I know; It’s weird. I have such detailed memories of the experience, except for the part that would make the biggest difference. Staying in my seat or walking out.

If I had to choose, though, I’d lean towards the likelihood that I stood up for a second, giggled, and sat back down. That’s the kind of girl I was in high school. The bitch in me was quietly suppressed for most of my adolescence by bitchier girls and bitter grown ups.

When you take a stand for something or someone, you remember. There are butterflies in your stomach; an adrenaline rush; often, raw, unadulterated fear. Afterwards, you feel a sense of accomplishment. Even if everything remains the same. You know you were in action and you were part of something bigger than yourself.

WAKE UP CALLS are my part. What’s yours?