There's nothing ladylike about shitting your brains out

4 Apr

I wish there was a more polite way to shit your brains out. I’d even settle for a polite way to talk about it. But alas, there is not.

I was reading a story the other day about a web site that matches individuals suffering from the same or similarily debilitating chronic illness. I totally understand the impetus for creating such a dating vehicle because, frankly, it’s not so sexy to shit your brains. It’s certainly a lot easier to date someone who is compassionate about your need at any given moment to find the nearest public restroom; and even better when he can help out. (“No, honey, the restroom at the Marriott on 44th St. has softer t.p. and the doors reach down to the floor.”)

Since I’m not dating, and furthermore, no longer shitting my brains out every day, five times a day, I read the article with just passing interest. The reason I bring this is up is because yesterday was one of those rare occasions I found myself shitting my brains out. While I can’t be 100% sure it was the grouper and mashed potatoes I ate the night before, I know it’s the most likely culprit since I didn’t ask the waiter what the meal was cooked in (oil vs. butter). The second espresso drink probably didn’t help out much, but I don’t think it was the primary offender.

I’m sure you agree, not so attractive that I’m sharing my shit patterns with you, is it? (If it is, well that’s a horse of a different color. And, if you find it attractive that I’m now talking about horses, well…)

The reason I dare to share is for this WAKE UP CALL.

If you don’t have any other symptoms of a virus or other illness (fever, chills, etc.), and you find yourself shitting your brains out, it’s either from something you ate or a chronic illness you should be paying attention to (or both!)

Shitting your brains out is not ladylike, nor is it normal. Furthermore, shitting your brains out too often for too long may lead to something a lot worse than a sore tushy. I’ll give you a hint. It starts with a C and rhymes with shmancer.

TIPS: Food elimination diet. Cut out the processed crap first. Blood test or scope done to check for Crohn’s, Celiac, and other common digestive disorders.

4 Responses to “There's nothing ladylike about shitting your brains out”

  1. Lauren Lionheart December 29, 2010 at 11:21 pm #

    HA. It’s true. Thanks for sharing your experiences in all their glory so that others may learn :)
    I just found your site when I half seriously Googled a ladylike way to say holy shit. This is a much better find.

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