Road conditions

Welcome today’s guest blogger “Non-toxic Mom,” who blogs about the daily adventures of trying to raise kids and live a non-toxic lifestyle in our increasingly chemical world. Check her out at non-toxicmom.com

I’m not a perfect driver; nobody is. But the ridiculous activities I’ve observed going on in other people’s cars on my morning commute have reached a new level. I’ve been ranting for a while about toxic food, toxic cleaning products, and toxic relatives. Now I have a new category to complain about: toxic drivers.

As I sit in my car at 7:30 AM, stuck in traffic, I start to wonder what’s going on around me.  How are the other drivers coping with the annoying standstill?  They must be so bored. I look around and see that my fellow commuters are, in fact, not at all bored; they are actually quite busy. The guy in front of me is smoking away; every puff he exhales goes right into my lungs via my air conditioner, which I attempt to turn off but then start sweating profusely. He decides he’s had enough, flicks what’s remaining onto the highway pavement, and immediately lights up another one. I’ve never met this guy before, but I hate him.

 I start wishing horrible things upon him. Some of these thoughts get pretty violent. Then I feel bad so I downgrade the wishes to slightly less aggressive thoughts. I need to distract myself from the fact that I am being suffocated, so I decide to check out some other drivers. To my left is a guy holding his cell phone to his ear, carrying on a lively conversation as if he were sitting on his couch. To my right a girl is texting, barely looking up as she inches her car forward. Another car pulls up on my left.  This guy is reading the newspaper.  The lady behind him is peeling an orange while slowly steering with her knees. Sadly, she’s the least toxic of the group; at least she’s eating a fruit.

 I sit and try to figure out what is wrong with these people. Or, perhaps, there’s something wrong with me. I could get so much more accomplished in my day if only I would multi-task while I’m driving. I could install a fridge and a hot plate and make dinner for my family. I could throw a bag full of laundry in the back seat and fold clothes. I could watch movies on my iPod, polish my nails, learn to play the clarinet, teach myself Latin, and get a whole bunch of other things accomplished, if only I was a toxic driver.

Like I said, I’m not perfect, but the line has to be drawn somewhere. Cars are for driving. Open your eyes and pay attention.

 Now I’ve gotta end this post because the traffic is starting to let up. Just kidding.