Mad men

I was in the dentist’s office yesterday getting my teeth cleaned when I caught this commercial on the TV. The gist of it is a guy walks into a fast food joint and the hot chick behind the counter asks him if he “wants to hurt now or later?”

The guy’s bewildered, naturally. So two other less attractive dudes behind the counter explain to him that he needs to choose the right antacid to make sure he gets complete protection from heartburn as he enjoys his fast food meal– Soothe heartburn now AND later.

Of course, no one tells him what The Wellness Bitch would: ”Turn around moron and go get a fruit smoothie across the street!”

Does this crap really convince people to buy Pepcid AC? Really?!?

Man, I wonder if I could be a secret agent working in some high-powered advertising firm. Once inside their ranks, I take on the most ruthless, unhealthiest companies and embed coded messages into commercials that tell people the truth! Or subliminally convince them to not only abandon their commitment to the unhealthy product, but to march on over to the nearest supermarket and destroy, destroy, destroy. I could create an army!

I would totally do it, but with one condition.

I get to dress like Joan from Mad Men.