The Wellness Bitch

There’s a lot of discussion and griping about how wellness is only for the wealthy.

That the poor are so desperate to feed their families, that they have no other choice than to buy cheap imitation grape drink and Dollar Store brand cheese doodles. That the poor don’t have the benefit of spending time in Barnes and Noble browsing through Michael Pollan books. That the poor are so tired from working two jobs that they can’t summon up the strength to do more than throw some canned franks and beans into a pot to warm.

I’d like to know how those people– those compassionate champions of the working poor — how do they explain it when middle class Americans…or even upper class americans with nannies and luxury cars …make those same choices? Because they do. I see it all the time.

I walk into a $1 million home to pick up my kid from a playdate and find him eating rainbow goldfish crackers.

I see nannies pushing overweight kids in stroller. And moms in designer shoes handing their two-year-olds mocha frappaccinos to sip on.

I’m not a cold-hearted bitch. But I don’t think eating or living well really takes much money, brains, or higher education. Clearly, if that’s all it took, we wouldn’t be seeing commercials for Abilify, alongside ones for Macy’s One Day Sale.

Hey. Come a little closer. I’m going to let you in on a little secret.

I’m not rich. I put on a good show with my nice house and leased mini-van. My kids in their hand-me-down Old Navy clothes. My mock designer hand bag from Target.

But we’re struggling. We have debt. We count our pennies.

I don’t have the money for a gym membership or a trainer or even to go to weekly yoga classes. I take books out of the library or buy them second hand on Ebay.

But don’t cry for me. And don’t think I’m complaining that my life is so hard.

But, I think that bad lifestyle choices aren’t reserved for the poor.

And it’s about time we stop having that conversation and move on. Frankly, it bores me.

Your sympathy and your outrage would be better spent WAKING UP our government. And our schools. And your neighbors.

As you know, I am a wellness bitch loud and proud. People in my life have actually started introducing me that way to perfect strangers. Or, my husband for instance, will say something to the effect of, “watch out, here comes the wellness bitch.” As if I’m Bruce Banner morphing into the Incredible Hulk.

It’s all good.

What’s also fun is how much people relate to the concept of being a wellness bitch. I get comments like, “yeah, I’m the wellness bitch in my playgroup. People are terrified to bring snacks into my house without checking with me first.” Or yesterday, a practitioner I met for the first time said, “Is The Wellness Bitch anything like the Reiki Nazis I know?”

People who are passionate about health and wellness do not blend in with the crowd. They may not have a podium to speak on or rant daily on a blog, but people in their lives know what they’re up to.

For me, bitching usually happens around the topics of food, childbirth choice, parenting, education and health care. But I’m curious to know what you’re pissed off about. What WAKE UP CALLS are you sharing with your family and friends? What do you want to say that I may not be bitchin’ enough about?

Use The Wellness Bitch today as your podium. Go ahead. Rant. Here.

I’d say “keep it clean,” but that’d be hypocritical, wouldn’t it?

The grass in your lawn may be greener than mine, but it’s also poisonous, so there!

Just like the lemon-fresh scent you love to smell in your ultra clean house, luscious green and finely manicured lawns are a suburban curse. And worse yet, you have some clue that that chemicals they use to make your lawn look good are bad for your kids and your dog (ever notice the warnings signs sticking up out of the grass?). Yet, you continue to use them.

Isn’t it cute when your kid puts a blade of grass in his mouth and tried to whistle? WAKE UP!

There’s nothing cute about the fact that he’s sucking on powerful herbicides with known links to brain cancer, leukemia, developmental delays, and reproductive organ deformity.

Or, how about your asthmatic child rolling around in Roundup®, a known respiratory irritant?

What about the fact that it’s been shown that nursing mothers exposed to pesticides excrete it in their breast milk? Mmmm….yummy.

And, don’t forget about the water runoff. Yes, a topic for another day. How pesticides contribute to the nasty concoction that is our drinking water.

It’s pretty simple. #1: Stop using pesticides. #2: Use organic replacements instead or ask your landscaper to.

In addition to being a billion times safer for you and your kids, it’s actually cheaper too.

TIPS: Beyond Pesticides. Go au naturale.

There’s a reason your baby has diaper rash, and it’s likely not due to poop or pee. More likely it’s a reaction to the toxins inside the average disposable diaper.

What’s bad about ‘em? Artificial fragrance, dyes, sodium polyacrylate (the absorbent gels), and dioxin.

Sodium polyacrylate, crystals you might see time and again lining your baby’s skin when you take off the diaper, has been linked to toxic shock syndrome. On a lesser level, it definitely can cause allergic reactions, such as rash or hives. (But, you can’t say polymer gels aren’t fun. You can also use them to make fake snow!)

Dioxin may cause cancer, developmental delays, or reproductive issues and is a known environmental toxin. Google it if you’re curious, but this was one interesting read.

You don’t put perfume on your baby, so why are you wrapping her in perfumed diapers?

When you are baby-proofing your home I doubt you consider the danger in diapers. But you should. Because while diapering your baby in disposable diapers will not expose her to enough chemicals to kill her, it’s just one more contributor to the chemical bath our children are washed in each and every day just by living on this planet.

TIPS: Cloth diapers. Seventh Gen still has gel, but Tushies doesn’t. Wash your baby’s bum with a wet washcloth thoroughly after each change.

Once, when I was 15, a boy I had a crush on told me if I could do a full split right then and there, he’d make out with me. I don’t know what’s sadder, the fact that I took on that wager (and won), or that I couldn’t do a full split right now if the payout was a billion dollars. Getting old sucks.

But I’m not that old. I’m not so old that I’m pricing out plastic surgery (though my boobs could use a lift after breastfeeding three) or counting gray hairs (yet). I’m lucky that I haven’t yet reached that place where I’m sucked in by marketing campaigns that promise “anti-aging” therapy.

In the first place, it sucks that we’re the kind of society that frowns upon natural aging. But worse yet, millions of American women are being duped daily by these false promises.

Take the “Olay® Total Effects 7-in-1 Advanced Anti-Aging” body wash which was sitting on the shelf of my mother’s shower this morning. (By the way, my mother looks ten years younger than her age, always has.) The seven in one, I’m assuming, refers to the promises listed on the back of the bottle.

1. Improves elasticity
2. Relieves dryness
3. Deeply conditions skin
4. Brightens dull skin
5. Evens skin tone
6. Smoothes rough skin
7. Minimizes the appearance of dry lines

Not only are those features repetitive, they are…WAKE UP…false claims. aka Bullshit.

Let me now list for you the top seven ingredients as listed on the back of the bottle. If only you people spent as much time reading and agonizing over the ingredients as you do getting lured in by marketing copy positioned to make you feel like a dried up old hag.

Ingredients:
Water
Petrolatum (Petroleum-based. Restricted in EU cosmetics for high human health concerns)
Mineral Oil
Sodium Trideceth Sulfate (the sodium salt of sulfated ethoxylated Tridecyl Alcohol…aka What the fuck is that?)
Sodium Lauryl Sulfate (a known skin irritant and potentially carcinogenic)
Sodium Lauroamphoacetate (potential allergen)
Sodium Chloride (potential toxin)

Sure, further down the ingredients list you have fancy names for Vitamin E and a few Vitamins Bs. But, honestly people, WAKE UP, look deep into your heart and tell me whether the following statement is true or false for you.

“I am using beauty care products with ingredients that could potentially cause me harm or kill me because I do not take the time or care enough to learn about the ingredients I am putting on my body. I only care about how it smells and what the label promises.”

And then ask yourself why you answered, “True.”

If you think your environment is not impacting your health, WAKE UP.

If you think environmental causation is not a factor in autism, WAKE UP.

If you think toxins in our furniture, food, paint, carpet, cars, toys don’t contribute to childhood cancer, WAKE UP.

If you think the chemicals in the tap and bottled water you are drinking don’t cause breast cancer, WAKE UP.

If you think air quality is not a cause of respiratory illness and asthma, WAKE UP.

If you think you’re healthy, WAKE UP. Because even the healthiest among us are living in a terrifyingly toxic world.

And things are going to remain exactly the same unless we all get off our asses and do something.

Seriously, folks, what are you waiting for?

TIPS: Environmental Working Group. Skin Deep. Healthy Child Healthy World.