The Wellness Bitch

The grass in your lawn may be greener than mine, but it’s also poisonous, so there!

Just like the lemon-fresh scent you love to smell in your ultra clean house, luscious green and finely manicured lawns are a suburban curse. And worse yet, you have some clue that that chemicals they use to make your lawn look good are bad for your kids and your dog (ever notice the warnings signs sticking up out of the grass?). Yet, you continue to use them.

Isn’t it cute when your kid puts a blade of grass in his mouth and tried to whistle? WAKE UP!

There’s nothing cute about the fact that he’s sucking on powerful herbicides with known links to brain cancer, leukemia, developmental delays, and reproductive organ deformity.

Or, how about your asthmatic child rolling around in Roundup®, a known respiratory irritant?

What about the fact that it’s been shown that nursing mothers exposed to pesticides excrete it in their breast milk? Mmmm….yummy.

And, don’t forget about the water runoff. Yes, a topic for another day. How pesticides contribute to the nasty concoction that is our drinking water.

It’s pretty simple. #1: Stop using pesticides. #2: Use organic replacements instead or ask your landscaper to.

In addition to being a billion times safer for you and your kids, it’s actually cheaper too.

TIPS: Beyond Pesticides. Go au naturale.

There’s a reason your baby has diaper rash, and it’s likely not due to poop or pee. More likely it’s a reaction to the toxins inside the average disposable diaper.

What’s bad about ‘em? Artificial fragrance, dyes, sodium polyacrylate (the absorbent gels), and dioxin.

Sodium polyacrylate, crystals you might see time and again lining your baby’s skin when you take off the diaper, has been linked to toxic shock syndrome. On a lesser level, it definitely can cause allergic reactions, such as rash or hives. (But, you can’t say polymer gels aren’t fun. You can also use them to make fake snow!)

Dioxin may cause cancer, developmental delays, or reproductive issues and is a known environmental toxin. Google it if you’re curious, but this was one interesting read.

You don’t put perfume on your baby, so why are you wrapping her in perfumed diapers?

When you are baby-proofing your home I doubt you consider the danger in diapers. But you should. Because while diapering your baby in disposable diapers will not expose her to enough chemicals to kill her, it’s just one more contributor to the chemical bath our children are washed in each and every day just by living on this planet.

TIPS: Cloth diapers. Seventh Gen still has gel, but Tushies doesn’t. Wash your baby’s bum with a wet washcloth thoroughly after each change.

Once, when I was 15, a boy I had a crush on told me if I could do a full split right then and there, he’d make out with me. I don’t know what’s sadder, the fact that I took on that wager (and won), or that I couldn’t do a full split right now if the payout was a billion dollars. Getting old sucks.

But I’m not that old. I’m not so old that I’m pricing out plastic surgery (though my boobs could use a lift after breastfeeding three) or counting gray hairs (yet). I’m lucky that I haven’t yet reached that place where I’m sucked in by marketing campaigns that promise “anti-aging” therapy.

In the first place, it sucks that we’re the kind of society that frowns upon natural aging. But worse yet, millions of American women are being duped daily by these false promises.

Take the “Olay® Total Effects 7-in-1 Advanced Anti-Aging” body wash which was sitting on the shelf of my mother’s shower this morning. (By the way, my mother looks ten years younger than her age, always has.) The seven in one, I’m assuming, refers to the promises listed on the back of the bottle.

1. Improves elasticity
2. Relieves dryness
3. Deeply conditions skin
4. Brightens dull skin
5. Evens skin tone
6. Smoothes rough skin
7. Minimizes the appearance of dry lines

Not only are those features repetitive, they are…WAKE UP…false claims. aka Bullshit.

Let me now list for you the top seven ingredients as listed on the back of the bottle. If only you people spent as much time reading and agonizing over the ingredients as you do getting lured in by marketing copy positioned to make you feel like a dried up old hag.

Ingredients:
Water
Petrolatum (Petroleum-based. Restricted in EU cosmetics for high human health concerns)
Mineral Oil
Sodium Trideceth Sulfate (the sodium salt of sulfated ethoxylated Tridecyl Alcohol…aka What the fuck is that?)
Sodium Lauryl Sulfate (a known skin irritant and potentially carcinogenic)
Sodium Lauroamphoacetate (potential allergen)
Sodium Chloride (potential toxin)

Sure, further down the ingredients list you have fancy names for Vitamin E and a few Vitamins Bs. But, honestly people, WAKE UP, look deep into your heart and tell me whether the following statement is true or false for you.

“I am using beauty care products with ingredients that could potentially cause me harm or kill me because I do not take the time or care enough to learn about the ingredients I am putting on my body. I only care about how it smells and what the label promises.”

And then ask yourself why you answered, “True.”

If you think your environment is not impacting your health, WAKE UP.

If you think environmental causation is not a factor in autism, WAKE UP.

If you think toxins in our furniture, food, paint, carpet, cars, toys don’t contribute to childhood cancer, WAKE UP.

If you think the chemicals in the tap and bottled water you are drinking don’t cause breast cancer, WAKE UP.

If you think air quality is not a cause of respiratory illness and asthma, WAKE UP.

If you think you’re healthy, WAKE UP. Because even the healthiest among us are living in a terrifyingly toxic world.

And things are going to remain exactly the same unless we all get off our asses and do something.

Seriously, folks, what are you waiting for?

TIPS: Environmental Working Group. Skin Deep. Healthy Child Healthy World.

While I’m on the topic of I CAN’T BREATHE, let’s discuss public restrooms.

A frequent visitor to public restrooms,  I’ve got to be grateful for their existence. If you’ve ever been pregnant, suffer from IBS, or have a child over the age of three, you know what I mean.

But there is no greater assault on the olifactory system than entering a stall in the ladies restroom of the airport, shopping mall, or worse yet, I-95 rest stop. Bad enough are the body smells. Stinky old lady parts. The toxic aftermath of fast food. Urine that made it onto the floor instead of into the bowl.

But as if the natural odors weren’t offensive enough, we’re assaulted by a mystical concoction of bleach-Comet-air freshener-ammonia-potpourri. A mere coverup, the cleansers don’t really make the stink disappear; rather they overlap to create a revolting hybrid aroma.

Do you know the real intent behind using these products? To convince you the public restroom is a clean place to make a poop or a pee. WAKE UP. Public restrooms are germ fests. Bleach and ammonia, if properly used, might eliminate some remnant feces off the floor and counters, but actually cause more harm than good. And those deodorizers on a timer, periodically spritzing “lilac breeze” or “juniper melon?” They’re really only masking the odors; they’re not cleaning a thing.

TIPS: Hold it ’til you get home. Natural hand sanitizer.  Write a letter to the EPA demanding reform, like this one.

Hooray! It’s spring. We can all come out of our SAD-induced comas and enjoy life again.

Spring isn’t all glorious outdoor frolicking and youthful play, unfortunately. For many, Spring is a nightmarish Claritin commercial of hay fever, asthma, and itchy watery eyes.

It totally sucks. It makes you want to scratch your eyes out, rub your nose off, and reach for the pills.  I know. I empathize, truly I do. But now I’m going to rub something in your face.

Allergies are not bringing me down, this year. Uh-uh.

I’ve gone from being the child who swelled up severely reacting to every single environmental allergen on the panel; the child who had to get allergy shots three times a week; the child who was addicted to Afrin at age 12. From that child (and adult) to being one of those gloating fools whose nasal passages are clear despite the high pollen counts; who does not have every version of Visene stocked up in my medicine cabinet; who does not walk around with a six-pack of travel size Kleenex.

Rather than being paralyzed by my allergies from March to June (and then again from September to November), I now experience about two weeks of discomfort at the height of pollen season. That’s it.

What’s my secret? WAKE UP. There is no secret. There is no magic bullet. There is just me…paying attention…making changes…trying something new.

Is it my diet? Probably. Is it the vitamins I take? Maybe. Is it the fact that I don’t use harsh chemical cleansers to clean my house? Likely a combination of all the above.

There’s no official diagnosis: “Allergies eliminated.” So how do I know? I feel better. I see others are suffering and I’m not. And based on what I’ve read and learned, that probably has a lot to do with detoxing my diet and my home.

It’s not rocket science people. 

TIPS: Anti-inflammatory diet. Detox your home. Keep allergens outside, not in.