The Wellness Bitch

This morning I was cleaning out my bathtub with Castile Soap when a bit of my cleaning solution splashed back right into my eye ball.

I flinched, waiting for it to sting, but it didn’t. I quickly rinsed my eye and felt fine.

Then I thought to myself, “Phew! That would have hurt like a M-ther F-er if that had been Clorox.”

But at least my eyeballs would have been ultra disinfected, right?

I haven’t used a harsh chemical cleaner in about five years. I think in that time, we might have used real bleach once or twice to get at some stubborn mold in our basement. But that’s it. For the most part, I clean with vinegar, baking soda, castile soap,  BonAmi, and a few Ecover products, particularly our dish soap, our floor cleaner, and a multi-purpose spray.

And, guess what?

You won’t believe it.

I promise you are in for a huge surprise.

Ready?

My house is just as clean, if not cleaner, than yours.

Yes, my house, wiped and sprayed with non-toxic, natural or plant-derived substances, is CLEAN.

In fact, I think my house is cleaner now than it’s ever been. Mostly, because now that I know what’s inside all those cleaning products my mom used when I was growing up and I used up until a few years ago (ie. Lysol, Pine Sol, Clorox Disinfecting Wipes, etc.) I think of houses cleaned with those products as DIRTY.

Not the kind of dirty you can see or swipe with your hands across a cabinet, but the kind of dirty the clogs up your lungs when you breathe it in. That makes your asthma worse.

That burns your eyes when it splashes back into them.

Those products no longer “smell clean” to me.

They smell like poison.

I’ve been…reconditioned.

Is there someone in your life who continues to roll their eyes or silently condemn you for choosing to buy products that are more expensive, but better for you?

Yeah. Me, too.

On the one hand, it pisses me off pure and simple. Someone thinks I don’t make enough money to be able to “afford” the non-toxic products I buy (in my case, organic produce, gluten-free flours and pasta, non-toxic beauty care, and green cleaning products) or the out-of-network services I occasionally employ (chiropractic, yoga, osteopathy). The truth is: They’re right. I don’t make enough money.

But, rather than condem me for making bad choices, I’d much prefer your compassion. And, even moreso, would welcome your volunteer efforts at finding me a corporate sponsor to fuel my family’s needs.

If you know anyone in the biz, feel free to tip them off to my family. You know: Tinkyada, Udi’s, Stonyfield Farms, Ecover. I’d gladly place their banners on not only my blog, but also on my vehicle, house, and at least two of my children’s foreheads if they decide to sponsor our family.

In the meantime, instead of talking about me behind my back, perhaps you should consider the back pain/chronic cough/sinus infection/asthma/ADHD/ear infections, you and your offspring seem to suffer from quite often. Perhaps you should consider spending less time counting my money (or lack therof) and more time reading the books and articles that continue to show the links between lifestyle choices and illness.

Perhaps you have my best interest in mind (and at heart).

Perhaps you only want me to have the best and to succeed.

Perhaps you worry about me.

Perhaps.

But, perhaps you should consider that there are many elements that make up a happy and healthy life.

Perhaps, the organic produce makes me sick less often, so I don’t miss work.

Perhaps, the gluten-free diet gives me more energy, which allows me to pursue greater, and more lucrative opportunities.

Perhaps, the less toxic household cleaners keeps us away from the pediatrician and the steroids and the high pharmacy bills.

Perhaps…

Before I became a Wellness Bitch, I was a girl with dreams of being the next Murphy Brown. The tv show was one of my favorite in high school, but more convincing to me that this was the job of my dreams was watching Holly Hunter operate in her character as a news producer in the film Broadcast News. 

I loved this movie.

I loved the energy of the newsroom. I fully related to Hunter’s character, Jane – even as an adolescent. I glimpsed a part of me in her erratic, emotional behavior. I had a little crush on both William Hurt (Tom) and Albert Brooks (Aaron). And like Jane, I could not fully commit to either.

One of the most memorable moments in the film for me, though, is when Jane, seemingly out of nowhere, decides to shut herself up in her motel room, unplug her phone from the wall, sit on the side of the bed and cry.

There is nothing tragic or frustrating that happens immediately in advance of her fit. She chooses to cry. As if its part of her daily routine (which we see later, it is). She then turns off the water works as suddenly as she began. She cleans herself up and moves on.

Wow, I remember thinking the first time I saw this.

Brilliant.

I didn’t have the word therapeutic in my vocabulary then, but I do now. And that’s how I interpreted Jane’s cry.

It was good for her. She needed it.

Release.

As I predicted even then, I do share that erratic energy and emotion with Jane. And just like Jane, every once in a while (and sometimes more often than not), I really, desperately need a good, hard, planned, decisive cry.

It clears my head and allows me to finally see the path to the other side.

Try to remember this in times of great stress, intense feeling, or even pent up anger. Maybe you’re not a cryer, but a screamer.

Go scream.

Maybe you’re a puncher.

Go find a punching bag.

Do your best to carry on in private, since the folks around you might not understand or appreciate that all you’re really looking for is the release.

You don’t want their hugs or their words of solace.

You just need to fucking cry, thank you very much.

And when you do, you’ll feel better.

Where ARE you?

You. The person who spends hours on the computer reading health, food and fitness blogs, but won’t show up in real life?

You. The mom who asks a million questions a day on Urban Mom, but won’t leave her house after dark to show up to an event where those questions might actually be answered?

You. The person who sits at home watching “Iron Chef America,” instead of trying out the “Cooking with Healing Spices” seminar at your local community center?

Where ARE you?

Where ARE you when the expert comes to the local health food store to talk about matters that are relevant to you and your family?

Where ARE you when there is a FREE Reiki Circle?

And, where ARE you when you’re invited to a panel discussion with wellness practitioners hosted at your church or synagogue?

Or a holistic health fair with FREE chair massage?

Or a FREE yoga for charity demonstration?

If all the people with undiagnosed chronic illness…

If all the people who parent children with…

If all the people who spend all their time bitching away on message boards and on Facebook fan pages actually came to REAL-LIFE, in person events, you might actually have one-on-one face time with someone who can answer your questions.

If all the people who complain that preventative wellness is too expensive actually picked up their pocketbooks and carried them to the FREE or low-cost community wellness events, they might have the conversation with someone who will change their life.

A conversation. Free. 

A wellness fair or workshop. $10

Finally meeting the person who has the solution to what ails you? Priceless.

The resources are out there. I know because I’m the person organizing these kinds of events.  Or sponsoring them. Or speaking at them. Or attending them. But I’m in the minority.

Where ARE you?

As someone who tries hard to make those resources available to you in an accessible, non-confrontational way, I have a simple request:

Show up.

Get off your butt. Leave your house. And show up.

Not all the time. But some time.

Show up. Try something new. Ask a question.

Show up. Just once. Show up.

RSVP. Bring a friend. Take a chance.

Show up.

Sometimes that’s all it takes.

Thanks to lil bitch Amy for sharing this hilarious satire with us on The Wellness Bitch Facebook Fan Page. There’s some discussion as to whether or not we wellness bitches should be offended by the wellness bitch in this video. But I am not offended in the least. If we can’t laugh at ourselves, then we’re in big trouble. I wish that most of my conversations at the park were this honest and open!

 Watch “Mompetition.”

A special thanks to lil bitch Larisa who turned us on to this comic at Natural News. (Natural News is one of the few feeds the WB subscribes to and reads almost daily.) It’s really relevant to today’s WB rant.)

Comic and post excerpted from the original by Mike Adams, the Health Ranger

Humans are the only species on the planet who actually go out of their way to feed their children crap. All other animals instinctly seek out the best nutrition they can find. Birds find grubs, worms and insects to feed their young, honeybees painstakingly collect pollen and create a nutrient-rich superfood that gives rise to a living queen bee, and even dogs, cats and cows try to find the most nutrient-rich foods to offer their offspring.

But humans? Most of them “reward” their children with junk food, sugary sodas, candy laced with petrochemical coloring additives and refined sugars that promote obesity and diabetes. Most parents don’t even make any real effort to follow nutritional discipline at home — they simply buy whatever their children saw advertised on television, caving in to the all-powerful “nag factor” that junk food companies fully exploit when marketing to children.

As a result, human children are the least healthy youngsters of any species on the planet. Baby dolphins are healthier than baby humans, for example, and they are born with healthier nervous systems, fewer toxins and a lot more common sense…Read More.