The Wellness Bitch

I’m sick with yet another cold in a series of countless colds since I moved to a kibbutz in Israel. I am not exaggerating when I say that I’ve been ill more times these last eight months than I have in total in the past five years.

Countless people have told me that this is not unusual for new immigrants to Israel; that many get hit with stomach viruses or other infections thanks to new microbes and less sterile conditions. It could also be that I’m working in an office environment, in contact with more people on a day-to-day basis. It may have something to do with a change in diet or the stress that accompanies a big transition like a move across the world.

It could be any one of those things.

But as I sit here, with my bedroom door open, enjoying the breeze from the West, as well as the bugs that may fly in through the screenless opening, I acknowledge the great changes in me since I moved to a small kibbutz in Israel. In particular, the mass giving up of control that I held on to so dearly for most of my life; the letting go of fears that caused me to be angry and bitter; the welcoming in of blows to my ego; and the letting down of the strong guard I placed around me to deal with the pain I associated with being wrong and being hurt.

This all happened here in Israel? In eight months?

No. Not really. But the quiet that I have embraced here allows me to hear and see it.

Do I feel this sense of peace and calm all the time?

No way. But I am very clear that it exists for me now more than ever before.

Have I turned into a weird, hemp-wearing, sprout-eating, New Agey hippie? Some would argue I have been that hippie for years, and now I only blend in better with my environment.

A great transformation has and continues to take place for me here. It certainly didn’t start with my Aliyah in December, but has become more and more noticeable. I do not equate it with religion, per say, but it deeply moves my spirit. It’s overwhelming and confusing, at times, and, since I’m certainly not full evolved, curious and anxiety-producing.

But just when that anxiety seems to be overtaking the curiosity and ease, I happen upon something or someone that is able to bring me back down to ground level. Sometimes it’s a wise friend or a colleague. Sometimes it’s a timely post on Facebook. Sometimes it’s a dream or a memory. Sometimes it’s an innocent suggestion out of the mouth of one of my children, or an angry accusation or a loving reminder from my husband.

Today, it was the butterfly.

I’ll tell you a little secret about me: Once upon a time, during a turbulent, yet exciting chapter of my life, I did something very bold and out of character for me.

I got a tattoo.

Okay, big deal, you think. Half the population between the ages of 18 and 40 have a tattoo, and of that 50%, a sure 10% have a tattoo with symbolism similar to mine.

It’s a butterfly.

But it was a big deal for me. My butterfly was a statement. It was a symbol that appeared time and time again before I was awake enough to recognize it. My butterfly, once a part of me, gave me strength to make extremely difficult choices. And she continues to remind me of who I am, but more important, who I strive to be.

And, of the great unknown that accompanies great change.

I read today something I never knew about the transformation a caterpillar makes into a butterfly.  A Greek poet and naturalist named Theodore Stephanides wrote,

“How great a mystery of Nature is the transformation of a caterpillar into a butterfly! This is not, as one might imagine at first, a gradual process of transition and modification. The body of the caterpillar is not just reduced or enlarged, it is not pushed in here or pulled out there there, it is not moulded as it were into the body of a butterfly. Nor is this the case with any of the caterpillar’s organs.

No, a far more astounding sequence of events takes place. Inside the horny envelope of the pupa, the whole caterpillar melts and deliquesces into an amorphous semi-liquid pulp until nothing of its original form remains. Viewed as a sentient entity, that caterpillar has “died”. It has no organs with which to contact the outside world, no nervous system to afford it awareness, however dim, of its own existence.

But after death comes resurrection. Somewhere in that pultaceous mass a mysterious controlling force is concealed. Science is baffled and even the imagination is confounded. It cannot be and yet it is! Some wholly inexplicable directing influence now exerts its power and slowly cell by cell, organ by organ, a new being takes shape. A new organism is gradually built up that bears no resemblance to the lowly caterpillar either in function or in shape, and a glorious butterfly spreads its wings to the welcoming sun.”

I am not so grim as to suggest that my multiple illnesses over these past few months foretell my death or my “deliquesce into a semi-amorphous pulp.” But I can wrap my mind around the idea that my body is adjusting to the change my soul is making, and is naturally going to fight it. And perhaps all the illness is simply a sign of growth and of the beautiful shape my being is yet to take.

(This was previously posted here.)

Once upon a time, I was a true, natural blonde.

No one understood where I got my blonde hair from. Those in the know knew my mom was a natural brunette and my dad, when he had a lot more hair than he does now, sported brown, too. Apparently, though, my dad was a blonde little boy and apparently I got the genes from him. All I know is that I considered my straight blonde hair my most winning feature (until I got boobs in tenth grade.) I felt lucky to be a blonde and never paid attention to the jokes we were victims to thanks to dumb celebrity blondes on shows like Three’s Company. 

Throughout my teenage and young adult years, I stuck vehemently to a belief that I would be a “natural blonde” and a natural blonde only. Even when my hair got darker in the winter, and my friends in college would highlight to last them ’til June, I abstained. There was a certain pride I maintained from knowing (and sharing with others) that my blonde was NOT from a bottle.

Often I would go into a new salon, and would smile when the stylist would ask, “Is this natural?” One time, I responded, “Does Sun-In count?” Because, to be fair, I did indulge in some squirts of “Sun-In for Blondes” each summer between the years 1989 – 1993.

I remained a blonde (without any salon-based alterations) until I had my second child. For some reason, whether due to hormones or old age, my hair turned from blonde to light brown over the nine months I was pregnant with him. Since then, I’ve been a drab in-between of light brown and dark blonde, depending on the season. And I know it’s drab because my mother and a slew of stylists have encouraged me over the years to highlight it. Most recently, my new Israeli hairdresser almost kicked me out of his salon when I refused his offer of highlights.

“Yes, I know it woud look better,” I told him. “But all those products have a lot of chemicals in them. And, plus, they’re high maintenance so if I do it once, I need to come back. So, no I don’t think so.” He almost laiughed me out of the salon. “Chemicals?” he said. “No, it’s nothing. It’s perfectly safe.” I suppose it is when you’re comparing lathering your hair with carcinogens with being showered by kassam rockets.

That said, I don’t know how anyone could truly believe that a products — from hair dye to hair straighteners — that smell so much like a combination of diesel fuel and rotten eggs could be so benign. They’re not.

Ava Anderson Non-Toxic, a company who produces non-toxic cosmetics, posted this article today on Facebook featuring Mary Louise-Parker’s claim in the New York Daily News that Brazilian hair straightening caused her hair to fall out. I re-posted not only on the WB’s Facebook fan page, but also on my personal profile. Why?

Because despite the increase in awareness and desire to be eco-friendly and healthy, people are still poisoning themselves to look younger and prettier.

I’m in my mid-thirties. And for the first time ever, I’m started to see really physical implications that I’m not getting any younger. So I get it. Believe me I do. I wish I was still a solid blonde, my boobs were as firm as they were in tenth grade, and I could count on two hands the number of “spots” I had on my skin.

But, I also know that it would be a big old waste of time trying to eat healthy, exercise, and practice mindful living if I were using toxic cosmetics and beauty care products every day; topping it all off with a quarterly visit to the salon of death.

Keep it real sistas. Be beautiful just the way you are.

P.S. Cutting down on the smokes, the sun, and the coffee will help; as will upping the water, omega-3s, and anti-oxidant-rich foods.

Today I conclude my interview with holistic pediatrician, Dr. Lawrence Palevsky. For more information on Dr. Palevsky’s practice, and to find out when Dr. Palevsky may be speaking in your area, visit: http://www.drpalevsky.com

Question 10:  As a conventionally trained physician, do you consider yourself someone who is “bucking the system?” And what are the consequences of that for you?

Palevsky: I don’t consider what I do bucking the system. What I feel I am doing is uncovering truths about things that we either may not have known or that we may need to know, or both. And I don’t think these are my truths but I feel there is definitely more information that needs to be brought to the public about what we thought was true.

And so, terming it “bucking the system” implies there is only one way to see things, which is how I think most people experience it. This is a concern.

I think in many ways, we are living in a time that resembles the days of Galileo – it brings us back to the time when one scientist made a statement that was completely impossible for people to acknowledge, and he turned out to be right, after being vilified while he was still alive. What we’re now dealing with is “group think.” When people start to embrace concepts based on what they are told, rather than on what they personally investigate and explore, you can easily be left with a certain degree of comfort in the dogma.

But what I am doing is what is needed – to do what I was trained and educated to do – critically think, evaluate the information, weigh more than the one side we’ve been taught, question how the information was obtained and delivered, and see if there’s more to the story than meets the eye; not just listen to what the authorities say is truth and make It my own truth, but to discover some of the larger truths…..

Question 11: Why don’t adults get autism? Why don’t we see it sprout up at any given point in time like say after a round of vaccinations to go abroad or after a sickness or after eating crappy college food for 4 years?

Palevsky: The belief is that the reason we don’t see as many adults with autism is because we weren’t as good at diagnosing it years ago, as we are now. Still, the rates have clearly increased. There is something about the window of health and integrity of a growing immune system that is more vulnerable to a certain set of life stressors than that of an older immune system. Nonetheless, don’t be fooled that there aren’t neurological problems in adults, because the number of neurological conditions in adults is increasing exponentially as well.

I don’t feel that autism is the biggest problem. Autism is just a small representation of a much larger problem, which falls under the umbrella category of how the integrity and health of our immune and nervous systems is being destroyed, mainly because of our dietary, environmental and medical choices. That encompasses a lot of conditions we see in both children and adults besides autism– Alzheimer’s, MS, ADHD in adults, anxiety, depression, to name a few.

And cancer?

Palevsky: What we learned in medical school was that the body produces cancer cells all the time, and because of the innate health and integrity of the immune system of the body, we are able to eliminate these cancer cells pretty easily. When there are trillions and trillions of cells replicating all the time, you would think that in the imperfect perfect world we live in, we’re going to produce some abnormal cells, but the body in its grand design, knows how to handle these cancer cells and appropriately limits their growth and eliminates them as part of our wastes.

But, for someone who has developed full-blown cancer, something has happened to the integrity of the native intelligence of the body that knows how to eliminate those cancer cells when they pop up. If we started to look more at the factors that impair the health and integrity of the body, and our immune system that is responsible for maintaining this integrity, we may be able to come up with more of an understanding of what contributes to cancer.

Question 12:  As adults, are we too far gone or can we reverse our own chronic illness? Get back on the path of “strong,” not “weak?”

Palevsky: I don’t think we’re too far-gone. I just think we need to put the brakes on a lot of the preconceived notions we have on how to live life, how to eat, how to keep our schedules, what products to use, how to relate to each other, what medical choices are best for us, etc. A lot of that is dependent on people’s willingness to pay attention, become more aware and more responsible.

What we’re clearly seeing is that over generations, we are witnessing more and more of a weakening of our immune and nervous systems. The main purpose of the surfaces of our body is to be in alignment, to be in harmony with the environment that we’re living in. And what we’re seeing is a loss of the ability to live in harmony with nature. And that’s because we are disrupting it. Chronic illness is one manifestation of that disruption.

Question 13:  What can and should the government and the medical establishment be doing to ease “vaccine hysteria” and misinformation?

I don’t think you’re going to be able to rely on the government, or other leading authority organizations, to ease the hysteria. If there were studies that could be published that demonstrate an association between the dangers of vaccines on the health and integrity of our immune and nervous systems, they are not going to come from the medical system, or from the pharmaceutical industry, or from leading medical organizations. It’s just not possible for them to reveal these studies, because they have so emphatically invested in the program; they are in too deep, and have denied any association between vaccines and the damaging affects on our immune and nervous systems for so long.

What is needed is independent research, that is independently funded, that is done properly, without bias and tweaking of the data to fit what is most desired in the outcomes of the studies. And, most attempts to do that independent research have been thwarted, as have the reputations of the physicians and researchers who have dared to present what data they have showing vaccines in an unfavorable light.

We have sufficient medical science, and sufficient and substantial medical information that should raise parents’ interest and concern about whether or not the truths we’ve been told about vaccinations is really as true as we have been told they are.

What’s needed is mass education of the people; to distribute the kind of new information that is needed to protect us. What we have yet to achieve is a critical enough mass for people to see that what we are being told doesn’t coincide with what we are witnessing and experiencing in our science and in our practices.

As soon as enough people see that what we’re witnessing is a contradiction to what we’re being told, we’re going to see change on a much larger scale.

Before I became a Wellness Bitch, I was a girl with dreams of being the next Murphy Brown. The tv show was one of my favorite in high school, but more convincing to me that this was the job of my dreams was watching Holly Hunter operate in her character as a news producer in the film Broadcast News. 

I loved this movie.

I loved the energy of the newsroom. I fully related to Hunter’s character, Jane – even as an adolescent. I glimpsed a part of me in her erratic, emotional behavior. I had a little crush on both William Hurt (Tom) and Albert Brooks (Aaron). And like Jane, I could not fully commit to either.

One of the most memorable moments in the film for me, though, is when Jane, seemingly out of nowhere, decides to shut herself up in her motel room, unplug her phone from the wall, sit on the side of the bed and cry.

There is nothing tragic or frustrating that happens immediately in advance of her fit. She chooses to cry. As if its part of her daily routine (which we see later, it is). She then turns off the water works as suddenly as she began. She cleans herself up and moves on.

Wow, I remember thinking the first time I saw this.

Brilliant.

I didn’t have the word therapeutic in my vocabulary then, but I do now. And that’s how I interpreted Jane’s cry.

It was good for her. She needed it.

Release.

As I predicted even then, I do share that erratic energy and emotion with Jane. And just like Jane, every once in a while (and sometimes more often than not), I really, desperately need a good, hard, planned, decisive cry.

It clears my head and allows me to finally see the path to the other side.

Try to remember this in times of great stress, intense feeling, or even pent up anger. Maybe you’re not a cryer, but a screamer.

Go scream.

Maybe you’re a puncher.

Go find a punching bag.

Do your best to carry on in private, since the folks around you might not understand or appreciate that all you’re really looking for is the release.

You don’t want their hugs or their words of solace.

You just need to fucking cry, thank you very much.

And when you do, you’ll feel better.

I just got an email from a new WB fan who buttered me up with flattery (she’s read every post!), endeared me to her by declaring a wellness goal for the new year, and then asked me for advice.

Her request?

“I’m ready to start taking my health seriously, yet there is a lot of information that I’m still missing,” she wrote.

In other words, she wants to know, where do I start?

You may not know it, dear reader, but you already have.

There are so many people in my life and people I have never met who are too afraid to even consider the uphill battle that is taking on their health that they never ask the question, “where do I begin?”

Instead, they mask their fear in watered down statements or hurried New Year’s resolutions like “I’m going to manage my finances better this year” or “I’m going to try to call my mother every Sunday.” They sign up for a gym membership or they cancel cable.

Some might start running a mile every morning or switch to whole grain bread. But they do all this without declaring at the start what their intention is. If you don’t know what your intention is (your reason for acting in the first place), how will you know if you have succeeded?

Since we’re talking about wellness, you’re intention might look like this:

“I want to get rid of my adult acne, lose 20 lbs, and revive my deadened libido.”

Or this:

“I want to finally quit smoking pot and find meaningful work.”

Or this:

“I want to figure out how to get my kid to focus in school without drugging him or beating him.”

Then, write your intention down. Trust me, it might seem like a waste of time, but it will be so gratifying to pick up that piece of paper when you have actually succeeded in fulfilling your intention. If you’re a Type A like me, it’s as orgasmic as checking off an item from your to-do list.

Next, share your intention with all the people you think might have the information you need to fulfill it. But don’t take anyone’s answer as gospel, mind you. Just start collecting answers. (Anyone who tells you they have the answer for you upfront is smug, stupid, or a swindler.) The only way to arrive at an answer is to collect information from multiple sources. This, unlike Calculus, is where high school language arts classes come in handy.

Just as your teacher instructed you to find at least three sources for your term paper, the Wellness Bitch is asking that you find at least three experts to listen to your intention and offer coaching or advice. (In school, by the way, your intention might have been called your “thesis.”)

So for the term paper called “How Do I Start Taking My Health Seriously?” I will be happy to be your first source.

While I’m not a practitioner (and this is not medical advice), I firmly believe that most everyone would benefit from a diet detox.

No, not a Detox Diet. But, a diet detox.

Meaning: Clean up your diet.

Forget the juice fast. Or the green smoothies.

Forget the green tea or the mega-supplements.

Just, clean up your diet.

Say goodbye to diet cola. To sugar. To additives. To preservatives.

If you feel bloated and gassy after most meals, you might need to say goodbye to gluten or beef or dairy or eggs.

If you are getting headaches in the afternoon, you might need to say goodbye to that second cup of coffee or the candy in your bottom desk drawer.

I don’t know exactly how you should clean up your diet, but hopefully you’ll find a few tips here on this blog (by clicking on “Shit You Put in Your Mouth”) or by visiting folks who have interesting opinions and valuable info on the topic:

Ed Bruske. Michael Pollan. Maria Rodale. Dr. Joel Fuhrman.  

There. You’ve started. Now start collecting more sources and prove your thesis.

Works Cited

Maidenberg, Jen. (2011)  ”Ready, Set, Go,” The Wellness Bitch Blog